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Beginning in early March and running through April 2017, my wife went for some checkups.  Had some blood samples done.  Then a pap smear test.  Needed a biopsy, then another one.  Turns out she had cervical cancer.  We figured she’d undergo surgery in June during summer vacation, but her doctor said, “No way.”  In April, the day after her birthday, she underwent a delicate procedure.  Thankfully, all the cancer was removed!  We spent two months at home; she, resting, and me, taking care of her: getting her meds, her breakfast, her snacks, helping her to the restroom, etc.  It was a fulltime job.  I was exhausted and we were both ready for rest.

In July, we headed to see our girls & granddaughter in Florida, but the last thing we did was rest.  In the sweltering heat in their garage, I built a blanket chest for our youngest daughter.  Meanwhile, my wife helped our eldest get some rest by cooking, doing laundry, etc.  We also looked after my 80-year old mom who accompanied us on the trip.

Upon returning back home, we took our grandsons on some vacation outings before life returned back to normal: us to work as teachers and they to elementary school.  We had great times.  We were glad we did because undergoing surgery and winning a bout with cancer would be no match for the storms brewing ahead.

 

Life in Bushwick had its benefits.  For one, we walked down a hill to our church.  All the stores were nearby, as were my parents too.  Of course, the challenge was going up the hill, especially with a carriage and another child walking alongside us.  Winter was tough, but the exercise kept us young.  I had to carry the carriage with our youngest inside and our bags to the third floor, while my wife walked or carried the other two kids upstairs.

Since I worked for a fabric company, I brought home some thick, soft fabric, which my wife sewed into a very large pillowcase; large enough to hold three kids inside it!  We’d place the kids in there when they’d sleep and when at church.  I remember walking to church during a blizzard with our huge bundle.  Snow was falling everywhere, yet our three were toasty warm!  They looked so cute!

Do you consider yourself to be ‘over the hill;’ ‘all washed up;’ have ‘snow’ on your head’ from years of stress?  Marriage can be described as an uphill battle due to struggles, finances, and other issues.  Getting to the ‘top’ in life (or the hill), is not about being the strongest, smartest, or fastest; it’s about coming face-to-face with each step as we near it.  It requires perspective, vision, and a desire to tackle them one-by-one by both of you.  Are you ready to face the hills in your life? The race is not to the swift, nor (is) the battle to the strong…but time and chance happen to them all (Ecclesiastes 9:11 b paraphrase).

When our youngest was due to be born, I rushed my wife to the hospital.  They took her straight in.  About a minute later, I saw another lady also being rushed in.  The lady at the counter asked me if she could help me.  I told her that I just wanted to know if my wife….    “Congratulations!” she said.  I told her there had to be a mistake, I only wanted to know if I should bring my wife her coat, this being December.  Again, she congratulated me on my child.  I explained I had just brought in my wife like a minute ago and that maybe she was confusing me with someone else, but she told me I was a proud dad and that I could go in to see my wife and child.  “That was incredibly fast,” I said. “That baby wanted out,” she fired.

Sometimes, life is like that; certain things happen very fast, while others seem to take forever.  It’s like raising a child; they’ll go from pampers to school age in a snap.  From there on, life can sometimes drag, especially the teenage years.  Those are the years where you pull out your hair and maybe lose a tooth or two.  Certainly, you may lose a few marbles while you wonder why time is at a standstill.  Look back at better times; maybe even picture your child in Pampers again! That would be funny!

Same thing with marriage which can last a lifetime.  Before you know it, a decade has passed (or two or three).  Make the best of it.  Hold on to great memories.  Create new ones, forget the bad ones.  Life is better with a friend or best friend; even more so when the best friend is your spouse.

Clump those moments in your fist and bring the fist to your heart.  Laugh with all your might at the fun things you’ve endured together, as well as all those moments that made you mad or made you cry.  They’ll soon be faded thoughts and moments never to return.  Finding laughter in difficult times is better for one’s health, than anger, ulcers, and loneliness.  The wisest man in the world told us there was a time to laugh (Ecclesiastes 3:4).  So do it.  We’re also advised  to “Rejoice in the Lord always…” (Philippians 4:4).  Look up verses on rejoice, and you’ll find bunches of them as well as reasons to do so.  Let’s pray. “Thank You Lord that we can rejoice in your salvation, (Psalms 13:5) Amen!

There was this one time when my wife had gone out and I had to change our ever-talking daughter (before she could speak). I wrapped the last pamper available on her but it wouldn’t stay. I picked her up and the disposable diaper went swoosh, right down! I immediately sought counsel. I turned to our two year old son and asked him if he thought we should improve the adhesive qualities of the ‘diaper.’ He agreed and I applied large pieces of masking tape from front to back on her waist. It worked! What a laugh my wife had when she came home!

But, that was nothing compared to wrapping a huge diaper around our third child. By then, I had additional support since I now had two kids counseling me. I then made a huge triangle and pinned it, but the baby slipped out through every side! I applied about five or six safety pins to keep that baby in wraps! Definitely, I was honing my woodworking skills back then without knowing it.

Seeking counsel can be a delight. We all get cornered by a situation where we’re at a loss for immediate escape or answers, and that’s where counsel comes in. Let’s pray:

‘Heavenly Father, look upon those couples or individuals, young at heart, that may be experiencing difficulty with their ‘youngins,’ be it in changing diapers, to seeking counsel for their daily situations. Be with them and enlighten them for the long haul. ‘Wrap’ your arms around them, as they seek your face and as they render their lives to you. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Proverbs 15:22 reads: Plans fail when there is no counsel, but with many advisors, they succeed (Christian Standard Bible version)

I’m taking a break here from looking at our past to say that we just celebrated our 37^th wedding anniversary! We thank God for His grace and mercy upon us! Just like a large wagon wheel, having Jesus as the hub of our lives, His guidance, love, discipline, humor, patience, like spokes, has kept us together. The Holy Spirit has kept this wheel true in spite of difficulty, stress, responsibilities, and the bumps on the road. Hitch your wagon to Him for an unforgettable ride and blessed marriage.

Lord, before your presence is everyone who reads this blog. May you strengthen each married couple walking and working through this mystery of marriage as you have helped us. Guide those not yet married as they wait upon you and serve in the calling you’ve placed upon their lives. Thank you for establishing our marriage and giving us deep roots for added strength and stability. In Jesus’ Name, Amen!

Although our son barely spoke, one thing he was good at was finding his bottle in his crib. No matter where it was, once asked for it, he’d swipe down and yank it out from the sides of the mattress, regardless of where it was. At least he was a good listener.

He was also good at ‘preaching’ the word.  Imagine our surprise and delight when he didn’t talk, but he’d use my small recording microphone and he’d wave his hand as he mumbled at his audience-the fish in our fish tank! He’d wave his hand like he was really admonishing/encouraging people. He’d pace back and forth like he was on a stage and he was trying to get his points across. He was very good at it in spite of being three years old. Somehow he knew when it was Sunday night and he wouldn’t go to bed without first insisting we’d turn on the TV so he could watch Jimmy Swaggart. He’d imitate him and somehow knew what was being preached. During the week, he’d practice on the fish. I guess he was seriously considering the apostle Paul when said, ‘Preach the Word, be urgent in season; out of season’ (2^nd Timothy 4:2a)

As New Yorkers, life wasn’t easy living in Brooklyn. With three little ones, life had lots of ups & downs. Sometimes, it seems, we had a lot more downs than ups; however, having a wonderful, though feisty wife and three adorable kids, made life seem more pleasurable.

My wife and I married in 1981. I love and loved her and vowed to make her happy.  We had two main rules: No one was to walk out the door when things got tough, and the word divorce was not to be part of our vocabulary regardless of what we went through. We have stuck to both rules and of course added some other ones for a healthy marriage.

We first had a son and then two girls. The older daughter could not stop talking. What was my favorite song for her? Yakity Yak, & Don’t Talk Back! But it worked out OK since our son didn’t talk until almost five and the youngest only spoke gibberish, giving us a chance to only hear one non-stop conversation all day long. She spoke for all three and we were fine with that; having to say things only once, made life easier.

By the time our kids were all grown up-ages 1, 2, & 4, life was beginning to turn for the better. We had been living in the neighborhood of Bushwick, on a third floor in a 2 bedroom apt. Winters were cold there, especially when the landlord was visiting Puerto Rico while we froze our buttooshkies. We applied for brand-new housing & were really excited about moving out. But that was in the works. Meanwhile, life went on in Bushwick as usual.

Since I was the only one working, we normally only bought chicken as meat with having steak once in long while. I remember this one time I couldn’t wait to get home for some delicious steak. As soon as I got in I could smell something wasn’t right and it wasn’t the kids. I asked my wife what had happened to my juicy steak and she said, “I’m sorry, I was involved with the kids and the meat burned.” Well, we said grace and ate that hard, leathery steak. Since we had splurged on steaks the previous weekend, I’d figure my wife could redeem herself next day. Next day was filled with yum, yum, yum, as I could almost taste this onion-covered, mouth-watering steak! But as I opened the door…again? I couldn’t believe it! Could it happen twice in a row? I would soon learn the answer to that question. It was pretty much the same story as yesterday. More grace and more hard meat followed. I knew Wednesday would be much better, I mean, how hard could it be to rear three kids and cook a great meal? I’m sorry to say (and even sorrier to have eaten), but all seven steaks were crisped beyond recognition. We practically had to rely on dental records to identify them. Was it a plot? Were the kids intentionally misbehaving at din-din time? We had to do the only thing we had done before; go back to chicken!

Dealing with chicken gave my wife the ‘extra’ time needed to hone her craft in cooking. I wasn’t happy, but at least I could eat healthily and live to tell about it. I could also dream of what an unburned steak could look and taste like. I decided to do just that for the time being. I remember being disappointed over the steaks & mentioning it when visiting my parents. Although my dad laughed, when my wife was not around, he called me aside and told me it wasn’t right to mention that in public. I told him, “But seven???” He said, “OK, but that doesn’t make her feel right; it embarrasses her, she’s trying the best she can; that’s something you discuss only with her.” That advice, at that moment, was almost as hard to swallow as the steaks themselves, but I’m glad he gave it and glad I heeded it. Sometimes, we can have less arguments and less hurt feelings in a relationship when we zip our lips. “He that covers a transgression seeks love; but he that repeats a matter separates very good friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)

The purpose of this blog is to encourage those who may be going through similar situations as my wife and I have encountered throughout our 36 years, 11 months married. Would I recommend anyone do what we did? No, God deals with each person and each situation individually and specifically. I ask forgiveness in advance if I offend anyone with my thoughts and words. I don’t do it purposely, however, when God is in the equation there are those who will not understand and may take my words in the wrong way.

It is our sincerest desire, that as you follow us you may learn some of the secrets that have helped us remain together and sane during these many years of marriage. Our outlook on life, our love for each other, coupled with our faith in God has been the threefold cord/thread (Ecclesiastes 4:12) holding us together. Marriage is in no way an easy relationship. It takes a lot of work to make it happen. Disregard that, and doom is sure to follow. It’s just a matter of time. Aspects of science may believe in evolution, but marriage won’t happen or grow if left unattended. One has to be creative in all aspects of it. May you enjoy your journey with us!

Samuel & Vivian Cruz